On friendships, lost

To all the friends I have loved before and who are, for whatever reason, no longer there...

Photo by Ahmed Nishaath on Unsplash

I will never forget my ‘lost friendships’ each one has taught me something about myself, and despite them being 'lost’ to me now, the memories of what we did, places we went, good times and bad, will remain with me for a long time (hopefully). However, when I think about those friendships that have got ‘lost’ over time, distance, or some unknown reason, I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. I have had many of these friendships over the years (being as old as I am), and I am slowly learning that there is nobody out there who can ever love YOU more than YOU can, and so, I am detemined to become my own BEST friend, and to truly love myself as I deserve.

This poem is not written to any one person in particular, but to all those who said words along these lines over the years…

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On friendships, lost

Did you mean it when you said you would always be there?

or was it just something you say

when you can't promise truth

meaning that you have no intention of staying

no desire to remain friends

should there be any distance between us

which there is right now.

I don't remember you ever really trying

once I was out of sight

but there must have been a reason for you

to cut me off so easily, surely?

Did you mean it when you said you would always be there?

or were you lying?

because now, when I need you

I cannot see you

perhaps your messages got lost in the cloud?

because you promised you would be there

and you wouldn't lie to me

would you?

Did you mean it when you said you would always be there?

that we would always be friends

I was your 'soul mate' you said, and

you couldn’t imagine life without me.

Yet here I am, alone

while you appear to be coping just fine

or are those pictures I see

really you falling apart,

with new friends and a smile on your face?

Did you mean it when you said you would always be there?

because I am starting to believe

that you didn't,

and I want to tell you

how brokenhearted I am,

that I am so angry with you

for breaking my trust in people

who bring false hope into fragile lives

faking friendship and telling lies.

Did you mean it when you said you would always be there?

it was my birthday last week

and I waited all day for your message

to see you on my doorstep, with or without cake

and an apology, maybe, but

once again, for years now,

I was left disappointed

when you never came, made no contact.

Leaving me with no doubt, this time,

for the last time,

that you never did mean it,

I was taken in by a fraudster, playing

with human lives, like a child with a plastic toy

tossing it aside when it gets bored.

No more,

I am not a toy to be played with,

my heart is too fragile,

my life too valuable, it needs protection.

I will wrap it in a blanket of love

console myself with the truth

that it will always be loved, and never left to walk life

alone, without a true friend

it will never be abandoned or ignored, and it

can never be forgottten

not while I am here, which I will be, always

and I really do mean that!

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Do you relate?

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Lisa x