The black dog

a poem for World Mental Health Day 2024

Photo by Jorge Zapata on Unsplash

It is World Mental Health Day today (October 10th) and I am posting this towards the end of the day, I have sat on this poem all day, editing, and correcting and thinking about it, wondering if I could share it, should share it, wanted to or not, and finally decided to put it out there, so forgive me if it’s a little late to the ‘party’

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, sometimes it has been really hard and other times I have managed to hide it, or cover it up and function normally, and there have of course been times when it has left me, for a while. Right now, dealing with a chronic illness like ME it is hard, as the isolation I feel often brings the depression back to the surface. I used to deal with it well, by getting out of the house and going for a run, or a long walk, until I felt lighter and able to get on with things, now, it is harder, being in the house and sofa bound most days doesn’t help, but I have found a few things, including therapy, that get me through such as writing and journalling regularly, and learning to paint.

I wrote this poem as a way of explaining how I feel about the depression that overwhelms sometimes, and I have labelled it ‘the black dog’ - a familiar term that people with anxiety and depression use often to describe how it feels. I call it my friend in the poem, and I think it is because it has become such a part of me that I know it now, I can tell when it needs extra attention and when to ignore it, and I am aware of the ways it has changed me, for the better, and sometimes for the worst, but I have learnt from it and I am not afraid of it.

Being open about our mental health needs to become something we can talk about like the weather, or last night’s telly, there is nothing to be ashamed about, darkness loves it when we hide it away, it is time to bring it into the light.

Look out for your friends, talk to them, share with them and let them know you love them, you never know how much it might mean to someone. If you yourself need help or support for your mental health please check out what support there is near you, find a therapist and try to open up to someone close to you about how you feel - it is good to talk!!

Taking the dog for a walk

I haven’t left the house properly in weeks
I miss the times I would just get out for a walk
or a run round the block.
I want to walk and walk and walk until this mood lifts.
I long to take this black dog for a walk and let it off the lead,
watch as it runs and runs, out of sight,
disappearing round the corner, leaving me alone,
holding the lead, knowing it will be back,
but thankful for the time I have without it,
feeling my mood lift.
My ‘four legged friend’, the one i just call ‘the black dog’
I take it with me wherever I go,
sneaking it into parties, and gatherings with friends,
taking it to lunch in places that do not have a sign saying ‘dog friendly’,
Wondering if they know I brought him with me.
People never ask me about it, lean across and stroke it
or feed it treats, while secretly I wish they would,
I wish they could see the big black dog and I wish they could see me,
and give me the love and acceptance I need
to let the dog go, once and for all

Thanks for reading,

Lisa x